Mystery Magic Theater 3000
by Kay Jones
Summary: Our Fearless Heroes are thrown into the One and only, Satilite of Love. Once there, having to be forced to watch tacky movies and cope with Strange Lord Voldy, you then come to relize this isn't your ordinary movie theater.


MMT3K  
  
*Standing on the 'Satellite of Love' platform*  
  
Harry: Welcome to Mystery Magic Theater 3000. For those of you that don't know, my friends and I are stuck up here in a space ship that we have named, The "Satellite of Love" We're kept here by the evil head-dominator, Voldermort. But everyone up here calls him "Dixie".  
  
Ron: We like the disrespect of the powerful people, gives us some lay-way.  
  
Hermione: Indeed  
  
Ron: It takes the strain of comic relief off of Fred and George.  
  
Harry: Right you are. Now, not only are we stuck here, but also the producers said we'd get more viewers if we are also forced to watch old black and white Magic movies. AND Since we're the only people in the audience.  
  
Fred: ..we can do whatever the hell we want.  
  
Harry: Quiet taken.  
  
Ron: So without further a due.  
  
*Transmission uploads, Voldermort appears on the screen, Evil music plays *  
  
Vold: Hello my air breathers.  
  
All: Hello Dixie.  
  
Vold: *evil music stops* ah- Herk. Don'tcallmethat. *..and picks up again* Now children..  
  
George: and Teens  
  
Vold: *music stops again * .and Teens.*picks back up* I hope you have had a nice little break due to me moving from my old Volkswagen wagon to this new and improved secret castle on 5th drive Mollunder in Trangenson. Mwahahhaa *evil look to twins* But that doesn't mean I have gone soft. Oh no. Your movie for tonight is still a boring.display of pure BAD ACTING.  
  
Hermione: Oh this is a new one.  
  
Vold: Quiet Wench! Your movie tonight is called "The Legend of Professor X, continues." It's a sequel to the original, but I've lost that one. SO YOU ARE NOW FORCED TO ONLY WATCH THE SECOND TAPING! Which MEANS.. You'll BE EVEN MORE LOST!  
  
Ron: Wait? We're lost?  
  
Harry: Doesn't he ever get tired of this dramticness.  
  
Vold: Quiet Prophecy!  
  
Harry: *sighs *  
  
Vold: Now lemme find my Minion so we can get this bird flying.*calls* Riddle!  
  
Tom Riddle: Yes dear? I-mean-.What?  
  
Hermione: Wait. Aren't YOU Tom Riddle?  
  
Vold: He is merely a split personality, a shadow of my still sexier self, brought to life by some Windex. Have some imagination Hermione.  
  
Hermione: .Am I the only one here with sense?  
  
Vold: Yes. Now, roll the bloody tape!  
  
Tom: *transmits tape to theater and screen goes blank*  
  
Harry: We should really stick something in that movie projector.  
  
*Movie Signal flashes*  
  
Ron: AH movie sign! Movie Sign!  
  
*All file into theater*  
  
*Across the screen flashes.*  
  
The Legend of Professor X, continues.  
  
Fred: .To be unheard of to this day.  
  
*voice* Deep in the bowls of a secret laboratory lived a scientist.  
  
Who's work was thought to be impossible and dangerous to mankind.  
  
Ron: I'm loving the story line, I'm loving it.  
  
Harry: Don't you think there should be death-involving lasers?  
  
Fred: Silence Man whore!  
  
All was quiet when the professor died. But his faithful servant.  
  
George: Moron  
  
Gill.  
  
George: Psbtsb!  
  
Found a way to bring him back to life!  
  
So now we find Gill and the Professor in the Laboratory...  
  
Harry: With the Candlestick.  
  
Trying to find a way to bring Back PROFESSOR X!!!!!!!!  
  
Ron: I think this scene lacks people.  
  
Fred: It's still the credits.  
  
Ron: no excuses.  
  
*Scene opens up and we see a sexy looking lady sitting on a table smoking*  
  
Fred and George: Helllllooooo Nurse!  
  
Creep ugly nasty henchman: Gill, Where can I pick up the liver you need for the operation to bring the Professor back?  
  
Harry: Gill's a girl!  
  
Ron: There is a god.  
  
Hermione: I'm a girl!  
  
Harry: There is a hell.  
  
Hermione: *punches Harry in the arm*  
  
Harry: HO! the abuse!  
  
Gill: I know we can bring the Professor back. *hops off of table* as long as I get that Liver. Creep ugly nasty henchman: It's going to take more than A liver to bring him back.  
  
Fred: He's talking about the lower area right.  
  
Creep ugly nasty henchman: What do you have in mind?  
  
*Gill smiles seductively* Gill: Your LIFE! *Whips out knife and stabs Creep ugly nasty henchman *  
  
Harry: Ho! The Abuse!  
  
Gill: Now that I have his liver and brain I can finally bring my beloved Professor back! *Cackles*  
  
New Scene opens up to a surgery room where we see Gill sewing parts on to the professor.  
  
George: Aw, how nice, she's quilting a blanket for the old folk's home.  
  
*Gill whips her forehead and places the needle down* Gill: only one more part my love.one more part.  
  
Ron: VIRIGIN EARS!  
  
*Man walks in, Gill is startled and drops surgery instruments while covering up the Professor. * Hank: Women what are you doing in here. And what the hell is that damn smell.  
  
Hermione: That's "Darn" smell.  
  
*Gill raises eyebrows* Gill: Why inspector.nothing is going on? Hank: Than whats that smell?  
  
Harry: * Mocking Gill's voice* do you like it? I killed the animal and mixed it myself.  
  
Gill: It's just this body I'm doing an autopsy on.  
  
Ron: *Being Hanks' voice* But this is a Florist shop.  
  
*Hank raises eyebrows*  
  
George: He reminds me of a very young Gilbert Grape.  
  
*Gill smiles* Hank: Well..  
  
Harry: Ah! She has used her feminine charm! SHEILD YOUR EYES CHILDREN!  
  
Ron: *shields*  
  
Hank: Just as long as you clean up and give notice to the family on what he died of.and, whatever else you people do. Gill: Of course.  
  
Hermione: .Burn the Volvo dealership and raise the Revolution on Hershey. Got it.  
  
* Hank leaves and Gill pulls back the sheet that was over the Professor*  
  
All: AHHHHH  
  
Fred: HE HAS NO HAIR!  
  
*Ron faints* Gill: Just wait.. It'll be soon...soon. *Gill goes over to a machine and turns on some buttons while flipping some switches. *  
  
Hermione: She's bringing him back to life with an easy bake oven. thehehe  
  
*Gill smiles and pulls the main lever* *Scene cuts out before you see what happens and Opens showing a common House.  
  
Fred: Meanwhile in the deep dangerous dark depths of Urban Canada.  
  
*Camera goes in revealing a pretty, mild aged woman sitting at the kitchen table looking through a scrapbook*  
  
Harry: She's remembering the days when she was thin.  
  
Fred: he he he  
  
* You can see the pictures, and on them you can see the Woman and the Professor (with hair), Camping, Dancing, Traveling and then a Wedding Photograph. *  
  
George: Her hobby also includes Shoplifting and Dog fights.  
  
Laura: *sigh* Oh John. Why did you have to die? *sniffs* She sighs and places picture back down on the table. There is a knock at the door.  
  
George: Bell out of Order.Please knock.  
  
She goes to the door. Laura: Who is it? *Looking through the peep hole*  
  
Hermione: Oh it's just the neighborhood rapist.  
  
Mr. Reality: Mrs. Cantle, I.I have news about your husband Laura: *Gasp* What? Who... Mr. Reality: We just got news that there was an up-turned grave found. After further investigation, we found it was your husbands, John Cantle.  
  
George: You think the gravestone would give it away?  
  
Laura.*pauses*...where'd you hear of this?  
  
George: Bubba. Mr. Reality: a guard.  
  
George: psbstbst  
  
*Everyone files out of the Theater* ~*~*~ *Back on the platform of the Ship*  
  
Fred: George, why are you holding surgical instruments?  
  
George: Well, I want to learn autopsy like Gill, so incase someone dies, I can bring him or her back to life.  
  
Fred: Do you have a knife?  
  
George: DO I! *Takes out knife* GORGUOS!  
  
Harry: Hey guys..why is Fred holding a knife.  
  
George: I'm George.  
  
Fred: I'm a Fred.  
  
Harry: Oh right, sorry.  
  
George: My dear Main-character.  
  
Harry:.*blinks*  
  
George: I'm holding a knife because.. I'm really Fred.  
  
Harry- I thought you where George.  
  
George- Who's keeping score.  
  
Harry: *blinks*.I need a hobby.  
  
George: For your information I'm learning autopsy.  
  
Harry: Why?  
  
George:..Because I wish to bring someone back from the dead, like Gill.  
  
Fred: Why?  
  
George: nof' of that!  
  
Harry: Oh I see. So are your studies going along?  
  
George: Er.  
  
Harry Course you must know that you need proper medical training in order to get near a corpse. along with the right paperwork and lab equipment.after that you should make sure you know where to make the first .. The first...why are you looking at me funny like that George..Fred.put. put down the KNIFE! I was just kidding!  
  
  
  
*Movie is rolling and Harry Comes limping in*  
  
Hermione: Little late.  
  
Harry: .I need a life.  
  
Ron: Hear they're useful. 


End file.
